Ky’s Korner

It’s been over 5 years since my last blog post. Life has been LIFE-ing!!! In five years we have survived a global pandemic, opened a business, closed a business, grown another business, sold a house, bought a house, bought an office building, bought a beach (tee tiny trailer) house, married off two children, welcomed our first grandchild, fostered two medically complex children and taken on THREE more forever children through guardianship. When I sat down to write and realized what all we have been through since March of 2020 I quickly realized why the last few years have felt like a whirlwind.

The most amazing change and growth though, has been in our walks with Jesus. When you are doing this kind of life-ing, you gotta REMAIN, in Him, in His Word. We have learned and grown so much. HE has been so faithful to us, every step, every decision, even when we made the wrong one, He walked us through the scary and never left our side.

We are in a new season right now, and it has been a hard one. I told Matthew I wanted to tell someone about it, but so much has happened that I couldn’t even say it all outloud, that I needed to write it down, because one day I will forget a part, and I don’t ever want to. Also, I think as new believers, or non believers, or even seasoned believers that have stunted growth, one thing that is HARD to understand is God “speaking” to us. I vividly remember early on in my walk, family members being called to something dangerous, I remember saying “what they just heard God SAY go? Like He just said take your kids to this foreign country that is unsafe.” LOL little did I know one day He would speak to me about things that make no sense to ones looking in. If this post does nothing else, I pray that it teaches someone to be still and listen, to look for what He is telling you and to believe that He still speaks today the way He did in the Bible.

If you’ve read my blog before you know I am all over the place, this entry will be no different, so buckle up.

A few weeks ago a young mom found out she was pregnant unexpectedly, and she told me tearfully. I laughed and told her to never ever be ashamed of the gift that children bring. Whether a baby is planned or not, it is a gift, and our world is so quick to judge everyone’s situation and give their opinion instead of just letting folks work through it and be happy. A week later a foster mom friend of mine announced that they were taking the baby sister of two of her adopted girls, I texted her and asked her why she hadn’t told me yet, and she said that she had been hiding it because people would think she was crazy. She is not the first foster mom friend of mine to have this conversation with me. We often don’t tell about a placement, not even to family members because we feel judged on what we are taking on. Then two days ago I spoke with a young couple, that recently found out they are very unexpectedly expecting. They too are both ashamed and worried what others think. I told them both that even though they may not see it yet, that baby will be a blessing to their lives and through that GIFT from God, they will learn who they are and who they can be. Our latest season had me feeling the same way. Worried what others’ will think or say, if we take on something else. And it’s no coincidence to me that God put all these conversations in my path in the last three weeks. He is telling me to listen to my own words. To practice what I preach. When you are called to something, very rarely does it make sense to the outside eye. And especially to those that don’t understand the faith that we are given through trusting Jesus. Romans 8:28 tells us that God makes ALL things good to those who love Him. We aren’t powerful enough, or important enough to thwart God’s plan for our lives, and even if we make a decision that changes our course, HE is never surprised. My friend Steve always says “did it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?”. If God is calling you to something or has changed the course of your life unexpectedly, be still and lean in to what He has for you. It will never disappoint you.

Many of you follow us on Facebook and have seen what our last 39 days have entailed. On Wed, March 19th one of our babies was placed in the hospital to have a trach placed. Ky is the second child we have guardianship of. Ky’s story is a little different than the rest of our kiddos. Ky was in the home of our best foster friends. Ky’s story is a HARD pill to swallow. He was 4.5 months old when he was admitted to the hospital with life threatening injuries from severe abuse. He had scars all over his body of various healing times, meaning that he had endured this abuse for his entire life. Ky was sent home with a grim prognosis to the most amazing foster parents there are. She quickly called me to let me know what they had taken on. I jumped in to help on the professional side to help get services in place for him and on a personal note to help them if and when needed. Not too long after placement, once things were settled, we did respite for them. The rest was history, Ky now had two households in his corner that were madly in love with him. Over the next 18 months, we would continue to do respite when they needed and visit when we could. Early 2023 Ky was found a bed in a wonderful long term care facility in Raleigh. This was DSS’s plan for him as he would need lifelong care. They wanted him to have guardians that knew and loved him as opposed to being assigned a state worker as a guardian. We all knew immediately this would be perfect as we all loved him so much and wanted to forever be a part of his life. In fact, he is SO loved that he has THREE sets. Matthew and I, Karen and Quint, and Kinnley and Parker all have guardianship paperwork so that if something happens to one of us, the others are still there! On March 20, 2023 he moved to Hilltop, and on April 20, 2023 we all were granted guardianship.

Ky has THRIVED at Hilltop. He has had wonderful experiences and therapies and made so many friends. Truthfully I didn’t want him to go, but I didn’t have the decision making power to change that when he went. After he got there I couldn’t imagine him being anywhere else. I assumed he would live all of his childhood years there and if he was still here with us when he aged out that we would bring him home or at least closer to home to an adult facility. Our latest adventure has brought that season to an unexpected halt.

What we have learned in our last five years of growth in relationship with God is that just because I “know” what to do, or it all lines up, doesn’t mean I am supposed to take that leap. We have learned to be still, to lean in, to dig in, to be quiet and wait for an answer and then to confirm that answer. This is the meat of this post. I need you to see the wrestle, and the outcome of how God speaks.

I found out about Ky’s trach surgery the week before it was planned. It just so happened to be THREE days before Tatum’s wedding. To say I was stressed was an understatement. The day after I found out about surgery my sister Amy came by the office to finalize our wedding to do list. I told her about the surgery. She said “don’t think I am crazy but I have to tell you, I have wanted to but I couldn’t but now I have to. I had a vision you brought Ky home. The girls weren’t there, it was just you and Matthew, and you all were so happy. I think maybe the girls were grown and you were just ready ya know?” and we both cried. I told her I hoped one day that we would do that.

Easter Saturday we went to the church egg hunt and then went to see Ky. The visitor restrictions were gone, so the whole crowd went, minus Bryson, Jace and Tatum. We filled that room SLAM up. Ky was SO excited. He looked around and grinned and was so happy to be surrounded. Dillon picked up a book while we were talking and started reading and letting him touch the pages to “feel and see” and he was so in to that book. She was so attentive to him. So much that after she crawled in the bed with him I took a picture and thought to myself, she would love to have him at home with us. I quickly shook off the feeling as just a sweet thought.

Sunday I woke up and checked my chart for the nurse and respiratory notes on Ky. I do this every morning when I wake and every night when I go to bed. He had a note from Dr Dellon stating she thought he needed the vent for pressure support. I have been struggling with the hospital and with Hilltop for about a week as they kept saying “let’s just wait to see if he gets back to baseline” after his trach surgery. He has consistently needed a lot of oxygen support and been struggling with secretions and just overall not progressing. I was excited to see the note, as finally we were changing the course, trying to find out what he needs to get discharged and out of the walls of those tiny rooms! After reading it, I immediately had a whisper of hmmmm I haven’t seen a vent at Hilltop. I let the whisper go, and did my Easter thing with all of the kids.

Many of you have no idea what my business does or what I do day to day. I manage a Medicaid waiver program that waives typical Medicaid requirements to allow a person to qualify for services based on their disability as opposed to their income. I have done this for children for six years and this year added on adults. This program allows kids like Ky to stay in the home with nursing care and other services as opposed to going into a facility for care. Side note for all of you political people, facility care costs upwards of 200K+ per year to Medicaid, my job is to allow families to care for their loved one at home and typically that cuts the costs to Medicaid drastically, none of my families come near a 200K budget per year, most range in the 50-70K range. So naturally, when the hospital called last week and said Ky needs a vent and Hilltop can’t do a vent, I “knew” what to do.

Monday morning there was a note mentioning moving him to PICU to try the vent. I saw it at 5am and at 630am I couldn’t stand it anymore. I sent an email to his case worker at Hilltop to ask if they did vents. At 10am I got a call from one of the UNC doctors. She told me what they were thinking and wanted to know my thoughts. I told her I was thrilled we were doing something! She was glad. Then she said what my heart already knew. She said if Ky needed this vent, he couldn’t go back to Hilltop. She said not to panic, there was another facility that took kids his age with vents. Remember that job I do?? I am familiar with that facility, and it’s three hours from us…. I will leave it at that. I told her that I was aware of said facility, and that my husband and I would talk, and we would pray and that if he definitely could not go back to Hilltop we may would bring him home. At 1pm Hilltop emailed back and said they wouldn’t take Ky back unless he was back at his preadmission baseline. I called Matthew after the call with the doctor and said start praying. He said he would, and then said that he had a feeling this was coming, he didn’t know why, but he had been thinking for weeks that Ky may need to come to our house. There are some other personal and professional decisions going on in our lives at the same time, he mentioned maybe this was why we have been struggling with those.

Tuesday I took the week off of work and packed the kids up for a beach trip. I needed to clear my head without the house and office that has steady doors of people coming in and out. I needed the ocean greatness and some time to process and pray. I received a call from the social worker at UNC. I answered and she said “is this Jennifer Rhyne like foster, adopt, bio mom that owns a case management agency”. Lo and behold, she and I worked together on another one of my foster loves. When she met me the first time, I had on a foster, adopt, bio mom shirt. I felt a RUSH of peace knowing the voice on the phone knew me. She was so excited to be working with me again. We caught up on the old case and then discussed Ky. I told her I was sneaking off for some soul searching and that I was considering bringing him home.

Full disclosure, (this is my please don’t judge me part) while on the phone she let me know that the other facility that NEVER has an open bed, has one. I knew then I needed to dig in and pray. I have four other children that live in my home. While bringing Ky home is sweet and beautiful, it comes at a cost. It will cost them, he will need more than anyone in our home ever has. Our sweet Parker graduates this year. She doesn’t remember life before foster care. She has spent most of her childhood playing second fiddle to other people’s kids that we took on forever. We just took an infant in 2023, we have TWO YEAR OLD…if you know, you know!! And Ky’s life prognosis is not good. One day we will have to say goodbye to him until we meet in Heaven, and that will rock their world.

Karen and Quint have been very tied up with personal things and I haven’t been able to keep them in the loop like normal. I called them Tuesday evening and told them about the weekend and all going on. Quint prayed the most beautiful prayer over us, and specifically asked God not to let me and Karen get ahead of ourselves, but to allow us to practice James 1:5 and let God give us wisdom.

Matthew got to the beach on Wednesday. I asked him where he was. He said “to be honest, I have had this whisper lately, that this was going to happen. It’s like the thought was just in the back of my mind. And Jennifer, when Dillon read that book to Ky the other day, and she crawled up in the bed, I just knew, this was what our life was supposed to be. I think we need to pray, we need to study and we need to be still, but I think He has been speaking to us.”

I have spent the last week like a pendulum. I have the resources, I know what to put in place. We have a village, we will have help. I know God will give me strength. This will cost my kids, there is a bed open, he may be able to come off the vent and qualify for Hilltop again. Literally back and forth, up and down, my brain is spinning with thoughts.

And in stepped God… Steve and I teach Sunday school together. He has been out of town for a few weeks and I have been teaching. ALL the lessons have ended up in conversations regarding trails and tests, and signs and miracles- and the purpose of life, to bring GLORY to God in all you do, in all you endure, in every situation. Thursday am I woke up to do my daily study. I am reading a Christ Centered Exposition on the book of John by Matt Carter and Josh Wredberg. I wanna share some quotes from my reading: “Here the destination is eternal life. And you can miss it by loving your life- that is, by making your goal in life to be safe and secure and comfortable and surrounded only by pleasant things” ” life in this world means that you will chose to do things that look foolish to the world. you will deny yourself things, and take risks, and embrace the path of suffering for the sake of love” “How is it possible to hate our life in this world? We follow Jesus. We don’t focus on ourselves and our situations” “Seek Him and you will deny yourself” “Great joy and reward come from moving our attention from our own comfort and well-being and instead living lives of radical commitment to the only one who is worthy of it.” “My goal in life is to help people find joy in Jesus, it’s the only kind of joy that lasts. Here’s how you find joy; die to yourself, die to playing life safe” When I read this chapter these things jumped out at me, I have been teaching about this for weeks and now this situation is on my doorstep, no way this is coincidental.

I screenshot the page and sent it to Amy, who I knew was awake and studying too. I said “I keep thinking my only reason to not being Ky home is how much sacrifice it will take, how much work it will be, how much it will take away from the other kids, from my beach time, from sitting by my pool time. And I came to the beach to be quiet and still and I just feel confused. And now this. I think it’s gonna cost us, and selfish stuff but also not selfish stuff, this will cost our kids and our grandkids, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. I think if we had no kids at home this would be no struggle and an immediate yes. I think this is why God gave you that vision, I think this is what He knew we would struggle over the most”. Matthew woke up right after and I handed it to him and asked him to read it. He said ‘this is it- the writer is right, following God comes at a cost, and we know that cost, we live that cost. This is the next step in that calling. We already committed ourselves to Ky, Jennifer.”

Later that day I picked up my Sunday school book and read our lesson for the week. I underlined these things: “I want you to be a part of My work to redeem the world; I have a specific mission for you; I will enable you to accomplish it”. “God has called me so I will go. That’s also what God wants to hear from you and me when He calls us.” “Whenever God calls a believer to a specific task today, there’s often a defining moment and it makes sense to do so. When we ask for God’s presence as we serve, we are demonstrating three important truths- God is the Master, we are the servants, God’s presence will heighten our spiritual sensitivity and God equips us for services” Then it mentioned a book- Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God. Funny thing- I googled James 1:5 commentary this day too. Guess what book it referenced?? For the sake of time I won’t include all I read, but just know I downloaded it on my Kindle, I read three chapters and cried for two days.

Friday night we went to bed and I told Matthew we had to decide this weekend because vent trials were starting and brining him home would take time and a LOT of effort. Matthew said “Jennifer I feel like He has confirmed over and over, we are Ky’s people and Ky needs to come home. He is coming home.” I sat quietly for a few and then I said “should we go tour that place”, he said “I don’t know” in a not nice voice, and we went to sleep.

I woke up at 4am wide awake, I don’t have a clock so I didn’t know what time it was. I snuck to the end of the bed to check my phone, thinking today was going to be sunny and God KNOWS how much I love a sunrise at the beach. It was 4am so that wasn’t it. I sat on the bed and was tearful, and I started praying. God Matthew is sure, and I KNOW what to do, but I cannot find peace, why can I not feel your peace? My heart whispers “you won’t be still and let me give it to you, stop thinking.” I need to feel your peace God, I am begging for it. This goes back and forth for a few minutes and then I have this image, in the pitch dark, of me laying in His palm, and I laid down. The padding under his thumb was like the softest pillow I have ever felt, and that was it, I was fast asleep. I woke up again at 6am, feeling SO MUCH peace, it literally felt like a blanket. I thought, oh yay, now I am going to watch the sunrise. I decided to make coffee first. Then I decided I wanted to do my bible study really quick. I did it, and it was good, nothing stuck out in my reading. But in my reading I noticed a flap folded down in my book. I remembered that Wednesday am I didn’t get to finish my reading because Yana woke up early and was wide open. I wasn’t all that concerned about it that day because I had actually read that chapter before four times when I was teaching on it a few weeks before. That small whisper was there though, flip back and read. So I did. When I studied this weeks before I underlined a lot of it, and I highlighted two things. Ready?? “I wonder how often our logic keeps us from seeing God do something miraculous. I wonder how often our critical thinking blinds us to God’s glory” He’s God. he’s got purposes far beyond what we can even imagine. We don’t know all that Jesus is doing, but we should never doubt His love for us, His desire for us to experience His glory, and His call for us to trust Him”. I showed Matthew and then I told him about my peace, he said “did this confirm? because when you said do you wanna go tour that place I thought WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER. She doesn’t like this place, she knows this place and He is screaming at us!! But I didn’t want to say anything to you, I could tell you were struggling. Now you see it don’t you?”

We haven’t told anyone our decision and very few that we were even praying about it. We have asked for generic prayers, and we have told our warriors. Today we went to church. Steve was teaching, and everything we talked about confirmed our thoughts. Then the preacher preached. The kid’s friend Will was sitting beside me, and said “I don’t even know why you wore makeup today” LOL. He was right! Matthew and I just kept looking at each other. Pastor Caleb literally said word for word like five things we have come across in our studies or conversed about AND talked about in Sunday school. We sang Goodness of God today and a friend texted after and said “I jut cried watching Matthew sing that song grinning from ear to ear, with all you have going on, he truly was singing about the GLORY of God.” More confirmation. Also, I bet you can’t guess what book was there a stack of in the front pew this morning!!?? YEP!!! Experiencing God Devotional!!!!

If you have made it this far, you are a champ, and you might think I probably should write a book instead of blogging, or at least not wait five years in between. Thank you. Thank you for being alongside our life. Thank you for praying when we ask and thank you for listening. We will need a village like no other soon, and God has been faithful in that too, we have already had a few texts and messages from those we know we will need. There will be ways for everyone to help and be involved in the days to come. I titled this blog Ky’s Korner because I think that is what he has. A corner FULL of strangers that pray for him and love him. Some people look at kids like Ky and wonder why God left him here, but I know that each smile he gives is evidence of the work of God in saving him from his life before. And each one of you that prays or likes his picture, I know he touches you. He is worthy to be loved and we thank you for loving him with us!!!