October 5 will probably forever be my favorite day on earth. It’s the day my entire world, view, and life changed, and that change is forever. Three years ago on October 5th, I got out of bed at about 5am and told Matthew I couldn’t take it anymore. You see, the day before, I met the most beautiful, tee tiny little girl that I couldn’t get off of my mind. I didn’t know why, and he rolled his eyes and huffed a very disgruntled sound at me and went right back to sleep. Little did he know, in about 12 hours, he was going to have the same feeling!
I got a call on October 4th, asking me to take a baby that was in the hospital. She had been in NICU for 3 weeks. She was almost ready to come home and they wanted her here, she was tiny, a preemie and I was a nurse. I immediately said yes. Which is a NO NO. I always get details and call Matthew and discuss prior to giving an answer when DSS calls. I said no, then yes, then no, then yes, until the worker said, “I’m confused, which one is it?”, I said yes and hung up the phone. My heart was racing and I had no idea why. I didn’t tell Matthew until dinner, and he was livid. He said “I don’t know what you are thinking, we don’t want a baby, we never said we would take that age. You better call her back, we are not doing that, and if you bring her home I am not doing a THING!!! I will not change a diaper, I will not make a bottle, I will not hold a screaming baby, I am not doing this” (that part still makes me giggle when I think about how ragged she runs him on a DAILY!).
I went to the NICU on October 4, 2016. I told the desk who I was and they pointed to a room. There in a clear bassinet was the tiniest little baby all wrapped up. A head full of dark hair. I didn’t ask anyone a thing, I just picked her up and we snuggled into the rocking chair. The doctor came in after a few minutes and told me to hold her close and to let her lay on my skin, she needed to bond. OH MY MOMMA HEART!!! In that moment I knew that I loved that kid more than life itself, and no matter what happened, and how long she was in my house, I would ALWAYS be a part of her. She didn’t weigh enough to come home, and I was crushed to leave her. I came home around 7pm, and I did nothing but look at her pictures until 5am the next morning. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I went back for some more snuggles.
We came home on October 5th. I had my mom take the girls to cheer because I couldn’t leave her. When they got home and walked through the door and saw her, they all were in tears. Our girls loved her just as quickly as I did. Matthew just stared at the TV LOL. I asked him if he could hold her while I showered after the girls went to bed. By the time I got out of the shower, he was hooked too. She has had him wrapped around her tiny little fingers since.
Three days after I got Dillon, I called my sister in law and swore her to secrecy. I had gone into a store, and there was a book that was titled “You Belong Here” by M.H. Clark, I was in tears, and had bought it. I told her that I knew in my heart that this was my baby and she was meant to be mine, and I didn’t know how that would happen, she had family, and she had siblings, and she was wanted, but I knew she was mine. She told me that if I believed that was God’s plan, that we would claim it, in His name, until the day she was. And that’s what I prayed, for two solid years. There were lots of ups and downs, and even in my wanting for her, I prayed so hard for her parents, and for their success. I know, to this day, that was the right thing to do. And had that been the plan for her life, God would have seen me through it.
Last year, the day before Thanksgiving, we signed the paperwork for Dillon to become an official Rhyne. It was a beautiful day, but in all that happiness for us, I was crushed for her parents. This whole thing has taught us so much about life and people. Dillon is such a blessing to our lives. Her whole story is not mine to tell. It’s hers, and her birth parents. This is my tiny part in it. God not only gave me Dillon, but he gave me a love for her family, and a task, to be transparent and an advocate for open adoption. Dillon will always know where she came from, and how much she was and is loved. She has a huge family, and they are always welcome in our homes and in our lives. I can give Dillon the world on a silver platter, but she will always have a space that I cannot fill. I believe in ALL of my heart and soul, that she will be a better person and she will live a better life, knowing who she is, who ALL of her is, every part. What she decides to do with that information will always be up to her. For now, we are going to learn it together, we are going to take it day by day, and we are going to love with all our might. We are going to do our very best to see things through the eyes of Jesus and not our own. We know that there is a plan for this wild girl of ours, and we can’t wait to watch it all unfold.
Happy Gotcha Day Dillon Ruby Rhyne, aka Dill Pickle. Thank you for opening our eyes to a world we never knew. Thank you for filling our house with giggles and screams, with sleepless nights and fun filled days. I love everything about you. The headstrong attitude you got straight from your tummy mommy that keeps me on my toes ALLLLLLLL the time, your silly personality, that you get from your Daddy Steve, the love of life and people you get from your big sisters, the snuggles and tenderness you get from Daddy and the smart mouth you get from this mommy. You are all of us, good and bad all wrapped into one dynamite package. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. Thank you God for unexpected blessings.